Who Are You Doing This For?

You are not required to be anything for anyone but you.

When we hear this, we start to come up with reasons why we can’t be who we want to be, usually because of other peoples needs.

And this is understandable. We get into patterns of being things for others to survive when we’re little, and then we grow up continuing to be those things for others when we don’t need to anymore, and we get resentful.

What if I told you that you have more freedom than you think you do?

Yes, others may not receive this well. Our fear of how others will take our decisions, judge us, or feel hurt is often why we decide to not take steps for ourselves.

This is often the case when we set up a boundary that wasn’t there before. Others don’t like it. They may fight it, get angry, sad, whatever it may be.

But if you are putting up a boundary in order to take care of yourself, you are not responsible for how anyone else reacts to that.

Let me say that again. You are not responsible for how anyone reacts to you putting up a boundary.

When we fail to set a boundary, what we are telling ourselves is that our needs are less important than the other persons. This part of you needs compassion and understanding that at one time, you may have needed to believe that in order to survive your childhood.

But in adulthood, we do ourselves a disservice when we continue to believe that we aren’t as important as others, when we shut down those needs.

It can be helpful to identify whose needs we are putting first by asking ourselves: Who am I doing this for? Is it for me? Do I want to do this?

Its not your job to fix others. Its not your job to be attuned to others needs. Its not your job to say yes when you want to say no. You are not responsible for others. You are allowed to have your experience. You are allowed to ask for what you need.

Not everyone will understand this. How someone else reacts is a reflection of their internal world. We have no control over this, only control over how we respond to others.

You are not required to be anything for anyone but you.

This blog or website are not a replacement for therapy or therapeutic intervention. Please see a therapist or mental health professional for personalized therapy.

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