It can be really hard to see ourselves accurately sometimes. It’s a weird thing about being human that we dont have the ability to ever really see ourselves as others do. This is something that despite heaps of self awareness, we can’t exactly leave our bodies to watch ourselves go about our day the same way we can naturally be witnesses to other people.
I was running an 18km trail race in Squamish in July, and while I was running I was thinking to myself “wow they’re a really strong runner” about a person in front of me on the trail. Then I realized, Amanda, you’re keeping up with them, you are just as strong. I ended up passing them part way through the race, and recognized that this was a moment it was hard to see myself accurately. We often don’t give ourselves enough props for how far we’ve come, because the goal posts are often changing.
Once we reach those, we have our sights on the next thing. We get used to the smell of the roses in the garden we live in now, likely something we once yearned for. Not noticing their beauty or how long they took to grow to that size, we forget and acclimatize. While we are quite an adaptive species, more than ever is presence becoming an endangered resource.
I used to see trail runners with their hardcore vests run by me while on a hike, and I remember thinking ‘wow I can’t believe they are running this’. Now that I am that person doing that thing I used to be in awe of, the goal posts have changed. Now it’s ultramarathoners that are incredible and I’m only running 18km. Maybe even you reading this think, 18km sounds bananas! And I also thought that until recently.
Like anything, it’s all perspective. If you’ve been here for a while, you know I’m not about to tell you to make everything sunny and look on the bright side because, well that’s trash. For some things there is no bright side, it’s just shit. And that’s real.
There is value to recognizing how far we’ve come. How much a friendship has meant to you and changed your life, even if that person isn’t in your life anymore. How you maybe used to strive in school to be where you are now, or you’ve created the family you’ve always wanted. Maybe you’ve maintained a life you enjoy, and that’s worth celebrating too. Maybe you’re not even sure where you’re headed, or what you want – great! It’s all welcome, there’s space for it all.
What stands out to me is that we make space to reflect and honour what has been deeply special, what has impacted us, who has changed us, what we’ve achieved, and even where we are at a given moment. Not all these things are guaranteed to be positive, and we need to allow that. Many hard things that we dont ask for are often the catalysts for change. As a neurodivergent person I am sensitive to the awareness of time passing and have my finger directly on the pulse of being alive, which is a beautiful and painful depth to live in that many of my clients do, too.
In this busy, overstimulating, ever-increasingly technological world we live in I ask that you occasionally pause to be. I know, It’s a practice for me, too. It can feel like time travelling to get off tech, and likely if you think to moments you felt most connected, joyous, inspired or in flow you likely weren’t scrolling your phone or binge watching that tv show for the 100th time (I get it, I love the office too).
So I invite you to spend some tech free time with yourself, even just 10 minutes but I hope more. To pause. Reflect. Be with you. Check in with what you need. Send your people love. Send yourself some love. Feel the wind on your skin, watch the clouds move in the sky, And just be.
Amanda Bowers Counselling 